Selfish

I have never been selfish until now. When I see how badly people can hurt each other with no remorse, it sickens me. I have loved selflessly my entire life. I give and give, and it saddens me that I never get even half of that in return. I want to be loved. I have been single for about 8 months now. 

I am a woman and a lover. I have loved selflessly for decades and I truly feel to give it and not receive it will turn your heart cold. And that scares me. So much. I have never found security or solace in a man. I have only found heartbreak and disappointment. Which rendered me wanting to be in a relationship useless. I want love. Like real love. But according to statistics "41 percent of marriages end in divorce." And that rate goes up 20% for those who give it a second shot. So where does that leave us? Hopeless. No. Not quite. But it surely doesn't make us optimistic to see whats out there when we see the numbers put in front of us.
I know people are always saying you should be friends first. And I do crave that type of friendship. But do you know the percentage is just as high when you start off as friends, they would rather be "just friends" in the end. But then there's the loneliness. The nail biting, teeth chattering, sad movie watching, chocolate ice cream eating, soul craving loneliness. Most single women feel it, hell sadly enough a lot of married women feel it. But what if we as women were selfish. With our love, with our time, and with our hearts. I feel its not enough selfish love out there and sometimes you need that to fall back on when someone disappoints you.
I wanted a permanent lover so badly, I could feel my heart aching for it, and my mind praying for it. Unfortunately,  I have only been sent temporary suitors. And thats ok. It is my time to be selfish. My time to only unconditionally love the things that spark a fire in me. Like my passions, acting, directing, and writing. We give so much of ourselves, and we need all of ourselves to love ourselves unconditionally.
Think about it. How do you self love? How are you selfish?

The Life of a Blogger

 Everywhere I look bloggers are literally taking over the world.

We live in the world of the current. Everyone wants to know whats currently hot and whats currently not. Everyone is obsessed with knowing what they should be obsessed with. ME..well, I'm obsessed with making sure my blog stays current. So lets talk currency, and I don't mean money. Lets start with the president. The racist, misogynist, pretentious ass president. He's been in office for a little over two weeks and he's literally ruining the country. But the crazy part is the brainless beings that voted for him are acting like they are so shocked at his actions. Well guess who's not surprised by his actions...the percent of the world that called BS on his entire campaign, the percent that gave Hilary the popular vote, the defeated Americans who still have hope for this country.
 I have odds against me. Everyday I am faced with the dim reality that life isn't fair for me. I'm a woman. I'm African American. And sometimes I feel like that's all people see. Not my funny, smart and upbeat personality. And that is a crime. To judge a book by its cover, to think you know and not know anything at all. I don't want people to see just my cover.  Now, don't get me wrong, I am very proud to be who I am. Unaccepted and all. But that's where people fail as a race, the human race is taught to use judgment, sadly enough most of it is stereotypical. But that will not stop me from standing up for whats right and shutting down whats wrong. That will not stop me from being proud. That will not stop me from being an activist. That will not stop me from reaching out. That will not stop me from educating. That will not stop me from directing. That will not stop me from leading. That will not stop me from being me.
So being a blogger in this world, what am I supposed to tell you? That everything is going to be okay, when we see our country falling apart right in front of our eyes. That we will overcome this when all the work that's been done is being undone. I'm really trying to be optimistic about America but to be honest it always seems to fail me. But again, that will not stop me from trying to change it. Because one day my many tries will turn into success.
So what is the life of a blogger through my eyes? Its someone who discusses the most current things going on in the world, including discrimination and politics, even if I am the one who is being discriminated against. So I will continue to blog about the journey and I will keep you guys current. Because currently black lives are taken for granted. We currently have a joker in the white house. And we are currently fighting the power. And we will not rest until equality in America actually means we are equal. Stay woke. 

Welcome to the life of a blogger.
#UNITEDWESTAND #DIVIDEDWEFALL